I wrote this as a response to someone a while back. He was looking to buy a budget remote and i decided to share my tips for building a toy fund.

You start holding money back from wherever you can get it.

1.At the resturaunt.. when she gets up.. you grab the tip money that was meant for the server.

2.You offer to do the laundry and anything you find in her jeans belongs to you. Don’t tell her you found it! If she asks.. say “hmm.. maybe it got washed..” and if she lets it go.. its yours.. if she doesn’t let it go.. produce it later saying “i found it in the dryer”.

3.Offering plate at church. If you don’t go to church.. start going. Learn to remove money from the plate and make it look like your depositing money.

4.Street performing. Use your lunch breaks to fatten your wallet instead of your waste.

Ok.. so now you have the $ and she doesn’t know you have it. (Careful now.. if she learns of your creative accounting a pair of shoes or a trip to the salon may come to pass.) By now you should know exactly which remote you want. You must go to a store. Online means shipping.. shipping means she could possibly learn of its arrival.

GO BUY IT! DON’T LOOK BACK! YOU MADE IT MAN!

Now that your back in your car with the giant yellow and blue electronic store sign in your rear view mirror… get rid of all packaging. Store the receipt in your desk at work. Use an emery board to rough it up.

I KNOW I KNOW! “ROUGH IT UP? NO WAY” YES!!! ROUGH IT UP!!

Now that its roughed up.. wait until you have time at home alone to program it. Get it all programmed and ready to go and place it on the table next to the other remotes.

DON’T! DO NOT!

Put the other remotes away yet. Leave them all out on the table. Every time you 2 sit down to watch TV you have to spend 5 minutes pretending to read thru manuals and playing with the buttons. While your doing this you have to continue to say things like “i am going to get this figured out if it kills me” or “ill be damned if i am spending money on something i can do myself”.

This will help put her mind at ease. She will begin to forget about her death threat and your spending more than $100 bucks on a remote. She will think she has won. This is good. That is when you sit down one night and jump out of your chair and say “I DID IT!!! i got everything on this dingy old remote, i am sure glad i didn’t throw it out years ago”.

Now you can put your other remotes away and enjoy life again. I know it seems crazy or a bit involved but trust me…

ITS THE ONLY WAY!!!

If you spend $100 on a remote she gets to spend $500 on whatever she wants. That is how it works. I didn’t make the rules. All i know is that for every dollar i ‘invest’ on my stuff she ‘wastes’ 5 on her stuff :)